I knew what I’d gotten into.
I did and I still do.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle. It doesn’t mean that I’m not allowed to be annoyed or upset or tired or just fed up.
Some days, I just don’t like playing second fiddle to the Army.
I have a life, I have dreams, I have things I want to accomplish and a life that I want to live.
I can plan, I can schedule, I can write lists.
But the truth is, all of those plans and schedules are just a hope. A hope that every soldier does what they’re supposed to do, so that my husband can come home by 6 while he’s stateside. Because if they don’t, then everyone stays late to fix whatever screw up was made (not literally, usually they can’t be fixed that easily) and then… to hell with my plans. My schedule. My To-Do List.
Most days I fully embrace everything that is being an Army wife. But the days when my plans are put on hold, cancelled or deemed insignificant…those days are hard. Those days make me question what exactly I signed up for. Yes, I love this man, and I’m proud of his job….but what about me? What about the job, career, dreams, hopes and plans that I can’t give my 100% because they’re deemed “not important enough”.
I hear it all the time. “Soldiers and their wives shouldn’t complain about their situations, because they knew what they signed up for.” We did know. But what no one can predict is the myriad of emotions that no one prepares you for. No amount of “knowing” can prepare you for living a life of uncertainty. Uncertain about where you live, if you can finish school with all the moves, if you can keep your 6pm appointment to chat about a new business venture you’d love to start.
Next time you feel those words on the tip of your tongue… stop. Don’t say it. Instead, try to empathize with her. It’s most likely NOT about the small picture of what she’s missing at the present time; but more than likely… the BIG picture of the uncertainty that is ever present in her life.